Keep This Dick Away From The Cubs

September 2, 2008 – 1:40 am by Hickey

For the past 99 seasons, every Cubs team has had some form of kryptonite.

But this year, people are treating the Cubs differently. Try as they might, no one can find a serious flaw in this well-oiled machine.

Well, those people don’t know Dick. Dick Stockton, that is.

Stockton is a familiar (ugly) face to most Midwesterners, who have grown up with him as the voice of the random NFC Central/North game that you watched on any given Sunday. And to say he has lost something off his fastball the past couple of years is an understatement.

A couple of years ago during a Bears game, Stockton applied this memorable call to a field goal at the end of the first half: “IT’S LONG ENOUGH!…” at which point you saw the ball harmlessly fall into the end zone at least a yard shy of the crossbar. Hearing him call a game has become akin to watching Tim Wakefield try to make a living throwing heaters — only Wakefield has the sense to never try such a thing.

As you might imagine, I was less than thrilled last October when Stockton drew the assignment behind the mic when the Cubs faced the D’backs in the playoffs. Hell, I didn’t even knew he called baseball. But senility knows no sporting boundaries, and that was never more apparent than when he referred to Aramis Ramirez as Rodrigo Ramirez at one point in the series.

Naturally, what bothered me more was the fact that Cubs were unable to win a single game in the series. To pin such a thing on Dick Stockton would be silliness, though. It was merely an aberration. A coincidence that had much more to do with terrible hitting than terrible announcing.

After Saturday’s loss to the Phillies, I’m not so sure. Things were setting up nicely for the Cubs, who were riding high on a seven-game win streak. Theodore Roosevelt Lilly was taking the hill and figuring to neutralize the left-handed power in the Philadelphia lineup. Furthermore, the Phils had Brett Myers pitching, and he’s typically only good at beating overmatched opponents like the Nationals, Pirates and his wife.

But I forgot about the X-Factor. Being a Fox national game of the week — but not THE game of the week — it was none other than Dick Stockton in the booth. And after Saturday’s loss, the Cubs dropped to 0-3 in games called by Stockton this season. At least if my memory serves me correctly.

According to my charts, that gives the Cubs a six-game losing streak in games announced by Stockton. And that’s before confirming the unsubstantiated rumors that he called Game 7 of the 1945 World Series. (Sure, he only would have been 3 at the time, but there was a war on. You never know.)

So as Cub fans try to break down how the team matches up against each prospective playoff opponent, just keep in mind that the biggest name to fear may be the one in the broadcast booth.

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  1. 6 Responses to “Keep This Dick Away From The Cubs”

  2. You can blame the Cubs crisis on Dick Stockton all you want, but don’t forget who called the Steve Bartman game, it was NOT Dick Stockton. One excuse after another.

    By Anonymous on Sep 2, 2008

  3. Keep talking shit, Hickey. You think I’m too old to stomp a mudhole in you and walk it dry? Stockey will PISS up your ASS if he EVER hears or reads you disrespecting him like that. Yours won’t be the first cavity that Ol’ Stockey has filled up with his GOLDEN JUICE, and it certainly won’t be the last. Pray we never meet!

    By Dick Stockton on Sep 2, 2008

  4. Let’s not forget the 5 or so times he tried to say Mike Quade (pronounced Kwa-dee) until he just gave up. Or because the series ended so damn fast, one of the two. I’m willing to be the house he calls the Bears-Panthers game in Week 2.

    By cousin charlie on Sep 4, 2008

  5. The second I scrolled down to read this blog headline and look at that photo, I literally spat on my computer screen with uncontrollable laughter.
    You seriously didn’t even need anything else but that headline and that photo.
    That said, well said.
    I’m personally glad you’re also not letting people forget what a piece Brett Myers is.

    By AK-47 on Sep 5, 2008

  6. October 1, 2008 – Cubs vs. Dodgers – Stockton strikes again. Just goes to show you that Harry wasn’t adorable just because he was old. I’m glad I’m better at living than Dick is at calling baseball – if I wasn’t, I’d be in a box, long gone by now.

    By KBB on Oct 1, 2008

  7. Kudos to whoever started this web page. I’m glad that I’m not the only one who has taken notice of the Dick Stockton jinx. However, the jinx of the Dick goes beyond the Cubs. It actually started with him being allowed to call Bears games with CBS back in the late 1980’s. For whatever reason, he just loves to overhype every game he calls. I’ll bet their won-lost record with the Dick at the mic is worse than their record on Monday Night Football. While all this may be a big coincidence, he is a pathetically lousy announcer and an indication that bad things are going happen to any Chicago team that is involved in the game that the NFL or MLB foolishly allows him to broadcast.

    By SRR on Oct 6, 2008

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