Calling Susan B. Anthony…

September 4, 2008 – 12:00 am by Matthew Glenesk

We tend to objectify women quite a bit on this here blog of ours. I know, it’s chauvinistically appalling (though you don’t seem to mind). Whether we’re comparing women to minor league baseball prospects or splashing photos of young starlets for no reason (though none is needed), we should be ashamed of ourselves. We’re not.

Though in my attempts to get back in the good graces of those I’d like to plow, let’s talk about what a big night the ladies had Wednesday night.

Of course there was the MILF of the Year Award ceremony in Minnesota.

“Drill, baby drill.”

But over on the Law and Order Network, er USA Network, Serena and Venus Williams locked horns in U.S. Open quarterfinal action. It was the 17th meeting on tour between the sisters. Coming into the match, they had split the earlier contests, each winning eight times. Venus was coming off a Wimbledon final win over little sis, though if Serena won the U.S. Open, she’d climb to No. 1.

Although it was just a quarterfinal (that’s how the draw shook out – criminal), the girls put on a show under the lights. Powerful shot after powerful shot was accompanied with a Marine-like grunt or a cheerleader-esque squeal.

If you were watching the match too loudly, a neighbor might have thought you were having a little S&M party. Maybe something like this…

And while yes, Serena has a gratuitously large ass, is there really the need for all the gratuitous ass shots?

Little white boys can only dream about what kind of man Serena could make them.

Prior to the Open, Serena opened up to a British newspaper, talking candidly about her ass-ets.

“I have large boobs and a sizable ass, so I guess the title comes with the territory. But I just play tennis. I always try to look my best, even though it’s hard to look your best when you’re sweating, grunting, and making faces. I never look my best when I’m playing. I love my smile. My smile and my cleavage. I think they go really well together.”

On Wednesday night, Serena’s cleavage and smile didn’t disappoint. She won the first set in a tie-breaker, though Venus had her chance up 4-2 in the breaker. Venus really should’ve won the second set, up a break and ahead 40-0 with three set points. However, Serena battled back, forced another tie-breaker and even staved off three more set points before nipping sis 9-7.

In all, Venus had 10 chances to win the second set. Advantage: ass.

You were just rooting for the match to go three sets.

But only so your neighbor would be amazed at your ability to go more than two hours.

So all-in-all it was a good night for the ladies. Sarah Palin made hockey moms hot and the Williams sisters gave me enough “nat sound” for a porno I’m working on.

Here’s to abolishing women suffrage!

*Sadly, the lead photo in this piece is a brilliant photoshop job

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

Post a Comment