So, after another four-year wait, it’s finally time for the Olympics. And I know all you modern pentathlon fans out there are super-stoked. But before any of the events could begin, we had to make time for the Opening Ceremonies.
And though I am in no way, shape or form homosexual other than my feelings for Jeremy Piven, I couldn’t help but notice that some of the fashion choices in the Parade of Nations left a little something to be desired.
For instance, check out the Canadian duds:
– With all the great athletes in Brazil, how did a guy who looks like Gilligan end up carrying the flag?
– There are over a billion people in India, but only about 30 people on the Indian Olympic team. I realize that half of those billion people are doctors, but don’t you think they could find more than 30 good athletes? They have an entire subcontinent to pick from.
– Do yourself a favor and check out the dude from Guam. He’s the 13th photo in the series of 41. Every four years, it’s stuff like this that inspires me to move to a place like Guam so I could become a skeet shooter or curler just to say I was in the Olympics. Call me Becky Hammon if you must. I can be bought. (On a side note, Becky Hammon can call me if she must. Heyo!)
– If Skeletor and The Joker had a baby, it would look like Andrei Kirilenko in the 22nd picture in this slide show.
– New Zealand’s flag bearer appears to have earned some sort of fur pelt from Genghis Khan. (Picture 38)
– You can put Dirk Nowitzki in fancy clothes, but he’s still going to look like a doofus. Kind of like me.
Finally, after much speculation in China over who would get the honor, the Olympic Torch was finally lit by former gymnastics champion Li Ning. Shame. I was expecting the Chinese to give the honor to the guy who refused to get out of the way of that tank in Tienanmen Square.