What the Hell is NFL Security?

July 24, 2008 – 12:02 am by TheRiot

Sometimes we bloggers try to be a little too clever. We like witty, pithy, cynical, punchy writing that drives up traffic and eventually makes people say, “Hey, that’s entertaining.”

But sometimes it’s better to just be simple and get to the point. So, I bring you a one-sentence question: What and/or who in the hell is the NFL security department?

This came to me yesterday when it was reported by multiple news sources (and yes, I linked to the easiest one) that NFL security went up to Minnesota to chat with Vikings personnel about the tampering charges filed by the Packers in regards to the ongoing Brett Favre debacle.

Now, I read the story and I thought, “Well, this just keeps getting more interesting.” Then I thought, “What the fuck is NFL security?”

Seriously, what is it? I figured the NFL had a department that handled game day logistics and security for its teams and players, etc. That seems pretty standard for the most powerful and richest league in this great land of ours.

But the department also flies around the country and “probes” into tampering charges and things of that nature? I don’t know about you, but whenever I hear the words “security” and “probe” in the same sentence I start to break out in a cold sweat and immediately identify all the exits in the room.

It looks to me like Commissioner Roger Goodell has his own little secret police operation — a Gestapo if you will — that hops around the country in private jets making sure everything is cool under the NFL umbrella.

I say it sounds like something Michael Corleone would do. And therefore it is awesome.

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