Strong Men Also Cry

July 31, 2008 – 3:12 pm by Hickey

The greatest highlight of the hilariously lopsided Kyle Farnsworth for Pudge Rodriguez deal (think Pau Gasol for Kwame Brown) is that the man’s man, Farnsworth, broke down in tears upon learning that he had been dealt to the Tigers.

Unfortunately, I can’t find video footage of this online, so I just had to steal a photo from Deadspin.

The Farns has always been a bit of a tough guy. The greatest highlight of his Cubs career came when he beat the crap out of Paul Wilson in a bench-clearing brawl. To add to his tough-guy image, he also has tattoos, the most enormous thigh muscles in human history, a huge SUV and a pair of giant dogs — as I recall, they were Dobermans — that he would bring to Wrigley on occasion.

Unfortunately, his propensity for a night on the town undid any benefits that his seemingly limitless potential offered while he was in Chicago. My cousin was a bartender in the city at the time, and rare was the night when Farnsworth wasn’t closing a place down — and by closing a place down, I mean the bars that stayed open after the place my cousin worked at shut down.

(This led to an infamous incident in 2002 when he was berated by interim manager Bruce Kimm for sleeping in the clubhouse during a game. I was covering the team as an intern at the time and figured out that Farnsworth was the player he yelled at. And that’s about it for Woodward & Bernstein moments in my career).

He’s also far from the brightest bulb in the tulip garden — he’d sometimes answer fairly simple questions (think along the lines of “What color is the sky?”) with “I don’t understand your question.”

But that was the old Farnsworth. Apparently New York has brought out a new “Professor” Farnsworth, if you will, who wears glasses and isn’t afraid to get in touch with his emotions.

Then again, even Chuck Norris would cry if he had to move to Detroit.

At least it would cure cancer.

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  1. 6 Responses to “Strong Men Also Cry”

  2. My wife’s high school Latin teacher was Farnsworth’s brother.

    Apparently, they’re all huge, and apparently ‘good’ athletes. The rest of them just decided to go into things other than beating the crap out of Paul Wilson.

    And the Farns’ brother was a lot smarter than the pitcher version. But then, so is tree bark.

    By the indefatigable mjenks on Jul 31, 2008

  3. The other funny part of this is that Joe Girardi got a little teary-eyed when he was talking about the Farns being traded. I really never thought any member of any organization would be sad to see him go, especially when it involves getting one of the top 5 catchers of all-time (even when his skills have diminished).

    By cousin charlie on Aug 1, 2008

  4. The highlight of Farns’ Cubs career was him injuring himself after kicking a fan. Not a person fan, a blowing fan.

    By dayna on Aug 1, 2008

  5. “my wife’s high school latin teacher was farnsworth’s brother.”

    can i get that in diagram form, please?

    my favorite personal farnsworth memory was during the ’03 playoffs in atlanta. he was standing outside the gate signing and signing and signing and signing until someone from inside yelled “kyle – get in here! we have a baseball game tonight, you know!”

    that is my favorite memory only because it is the only time i ever crossed paths with him. so maybe it’s not that great.

    By Wrigleyville on Aug 1, 2008

  6. lopsided trade? Pudge was a cancer in the Tigers clubhouse. Word is both him and Carlos Guillen were the two leaders and that players were taking Guillens side. He was not going to comeback next year and the entire front office agreed on it. That is why he was traded.
    So I don’t think trading a player away when your out of the race, that player won’t be coming back, is that bad when your trying to set your team up for next year.

    By Joe Cullen Drive-Bye on Aug 1, 2008

  7. I’ve seen Farnsworth pitch. A lot. Mostly out of the strike zone.

    I’ve seen Pudge lead the Marlins and Tigers to the World Series. And he’s going to Cooperstown. I still say it’s lopsided.

    However, if Pudge was playing the music of his favorite musician, Yanni, in the clubhouse, I could see why he was considered a cancer.

    By Hick Flick on Aug 1, 2008

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