The greatest highlight of the hilariously lopsided Kyle Farnsworth for Pudge Rodriguez deal (think Pau Gasol for Kwame Brown) is that the man’s man, Farnsworth, broke down in tears upon learning that he had been dealt to the Tigers.
Unfortunately, I can’t find video footage of this online, so I just had to steal a photo from Deadspin.
The Farns has always been a bit of a tough guy. The greatest highlight of his Cubs career came when he beat the crap out of Paul Wilson in a bench-clearing brawl. To add to his tough-guy image, he also has tattoos, the most enormous thigh muscles in human history, a huge SUV and a pair of giant dogs — as I recall, they were Dobermans — that he would bring to Wrigley on occasion.
Unfortunately, his propensity for a night on the town undid any benefits that his seemingly limitless potential offered while he was in Chicago. My cousin was a bartender in the city at the time, and rare was the night when Farnsworth wasn’t closing a place down — and by closing a place down, I mean the bars that stayed open after the place my cousin worked at shut down.
(This led to an infamous incident in 2002 when he was berated by interim manager Bruce Kimm for sleeping in the clubhouse during a game. I was covering the team as an intern at the time and figured out that Farnsworth was the player he yelled at. And that’s about it for Woodward & Bernstein moments in my career).
He’s also far from the brightest bulb in the tulip garden — he’d sometimes answer fairly simple questions (think along the lines of “What color is the sky?”) with “I don’t understand your question.”
But that was the old Farnsworth. Apparently New York has brought out a new “Professor” Farnsworth, if you will, who wears glasses and isn’t afraid to get in touch with his emotions.
Then again, even Chuck Norris would cry if he had to move to Detroit.
At least it would cure cancer.