Report: Clemens Used Viagra Too

June 10, 2008 – 5:21 am by Ryan Phillips

Today the New York Daily News is reporting that among the myriad of things Roger Clemens took to “enhance” himself, was everyone’s favorite punch-line drug, Viagra. That’s right, Roger was taking “Vitamin V” to help with his on-field performance…and no that’s not a clever pun. He was actually taking it to help with baseball.

He took Viagra to help him at his sport. That must have made wearing a cup virtually unbearable, I have no idea how he could stand it. But, apparently, it’s quite common as BALCO founder, Victor Conte claimed all of his athletes took it. There are several benefits of the little blue pill aside from making you harder than Chinese Algebra. They include:
-Helping endurance, especially for athletes who compete at high altitude.

-Delivers oxygen, nutrients and performance-enhancing drugs to muscles more efficiently.

-Counteracts the impotence that can be a side-effect of testosterone injections.

How much you want to bet Clemens just comes out and says “No, no, no, I didn’t take it to help me on the field. I used it so I could keep up with my barely legal mistress in the sack.”

I was going to try and make this post really funny and clever, but I don’t think I could possibly add anything to it. A few “corked bat” jokes came to mind, but that’s just too easy and frankly I’m not here to waste your time. Just the idea of Clemens hiding his little blue friends in a GNC bottle (as the above article claims he did) is hilarious. Man, I bet it’s a lot of fun being Roger Clemens these days huh?

Who would have thought throwing a bat at Mike Piazza would lead to such karmic backlash?

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  1. 7 Responses to “Report: Clemens Used Viagra Too”

  2. Didn’t Piazza schill for Viagra?

    Perhaps that’s where the anger comes from. Rog was upset that Mikey got paid for taking that stuff, and all above the board, too.

    By the indefatigable mjenks on Jun 10, 2008

  3. Actually, it was Raffy Palmeiro who was schilling for Viagra. Who, apparently not coincidentally, was also a steroid user. In fact, Viagra had the contract as the official dick enhancer of Major League Baseball. Bet the suits at MLB are finding this one hard to swallow.

    Rimshot! (No, not that kind you sicko).

    By Hick Flick on Jun 10, 2008

  4. Why did I think Piazza was in Viagra commercials? I knew Palmeiro did them. Perhaps I was getting my cheesy, pencil-thin-mustache-wearing athletes confused.

    I apologize for the error. My desire to add one more element to the insulting of Roger Clemens caused me to post without, well, anything.

    By the indefatigable mjenks on Jun 10, 2008

  5. That was around the same time everyone thought Piazza was gay, so it would not have been the best strategic move to appear in a Viagra ad. Also, little known fact: the Cubs shipped out Palmeiro and Dave Martinez in ’88 in part because they were railing Ryne Sandberg’s wife.

    By Hick Flick on Jun 10, 2008

  6. Wow. Could Clemens career have unraveled any worse? The hits just keep on coming.

    By NFL Adam on Jun 11, 2008

  7. “the Cubs shipped out Palmeiro and Dave Martinez in ’88 in part because they were railing Ryne Sandberg’s wife.”

    I always wondered why they got rid of Palmeiro. I never really bought the whole “he wanted to play first base, and that wasn’t happening”, and now I’ve learned something.

    By the indefatigable mjenks on Jun 11, 2008

  8. Naruto Episode
    BUY Naruto

    By naruto episode on Aug 16, 2008

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