Travis Henry may not be done having children, but he’s definitely done with the Denver Broncos. The team cut him from their roster Tuesday only a year after he signed a five-year $22.5 million contract with them. We’re not the “I told you so” types, but this marriage had about as much chance of surviving as Whitney and Bobby. Everyone knows the Broncos change running backs as quickly as that kid in The Baker’s post snaps pictures of the tour guide’s chest. There’s that and the fact that Henry apparently has no money and also has nine children by nine different women. In this age of hyper-morality from NFL teams (and sports teams in general) you knew this thing wasn’t going to end with a tearful retirement ceremony in a few seasons.
And, in truth, we’re sorry to see it end. And not just because cutting, suspending, and reinstating questionable character guys is a whole other untapped medium for us to gamble on football too. There’s no guarantee that any team will sign him this offseason given his penchent for baby-mama drama. Well, that and he’s a 30 year old running back in a league that prizes youth almost as much as it prizes athleticism and low-maintenance-ness from its athletes.
But yes, we swear we’re sorry to see the relationship end. Especially with Mike Shanahan blasting Henry on his way out the door with this little beauty: “He’s just too inconsistent as a person. When you’re too inconsistent as a person, you usually aren’t going to win championships.”
Let’s now ask the obvious question Shanahan left hanging in the air: is Mike Shanahan implying that Travis Henry is (at least partially) at fault for the Broncos being mediocre recently? He was only with the team for one season and yet Shanahan is throwing him under the bus after cutting him. That’s a lot of damage to do in just over one calendar year. That said, we’re pretty sure the Broncos’ recent lack of championships MIGHT have something to do with a severe lack of John Elway and an extreme overconfidence in Mike Shanahan’s abilities as a coach. But we’ll save the implications for the NFL season previews.
As bloggers, the only real loss we’re feeling here is the lack of an active NFL player that could be Shawn Kemp and Steve Garvey’s running mate in all fertility and multiple children jokes we may or may not make in the future. Plus, losing Henry is also another lost opportunity to make fun of Tennessee and Phil Fulmer for producing “quality athletes.”
So what have we learned? Try not to spend all your money and have a ton of children, perhaps. But the real moral is bloggers need material! Teams can’t just keep cutting guys like Travis Henry without giving us another fun target. It’s nothing personal against Travis Henry, even. We just need easy, lazy jokes to make in place of real analysis and material.
Some one has to step up and fill the void for us. Isn’t that what football’s all about? Teamwork, people. Teamwork.