NBA Finals ADD

June 13, 2008 – 2:27 am by Ryan Phillips

It was over. The Lakers were up by 24 and cruising. It was over, and the Lakers knew it. Hell, I knew it. Obviously their thoughts left the game, they packed it in and started thinking about that night’s rooftop party at Chateau. Hell, I’m guilty too, my mind wandered and when I looked up, the Celtics were up 3-1 and the series was effectively over.

What the hell happened? I had a lot of stuff going through my head during the second half, here’s a rundown of 24 (one for every point of the collapse) of the thoughts I had while the Lakers collapsed like a crane in New York City. (Warning: Some of this may be too much information)

1. Why are they showing Justin Timberlake in the stands so much? And why is he cheering on the Lakers? Didn’t that prick grow up in Orlando or something?

2. I bet if I had nothing to do for an entire day and really put my mind to it, I could find a word that rhymes with purple.

3. Ditto for orange.

4. If Jordan Farmar jumped off the roof of the Great Western Building, he’d at least fall more slowly right? I’m not saying he’d fly, but those ears would at least cause some serious drag. He might even survive.

5. I wonder if people who cheered for the Celtics in the 80s secretly like the Lakers now because of all the white guys. Though, to be fair, that might be moot because most of them are dirty Euros and they don’t count.

6. I don’t care what anyone else says, I find Shia LeBeouf entertaining.

7. How is “nurple” not a word??

8. Vinnie Del Negro is the greatest name of an NBA head coach in the history of the league. I once knew a black guy named Vinnie Blanco. He was on my high school basketball team and he was a 6’2 220 pound forward/center. Before every game the only black teacher at the school would ask him what he was going to do to that night’s opponent. Vinnie would always reply, “I’m gonna give them the biiiiizzzz-nesssss.” Classic. He also wore three-piece suits and flat caps on game day and regularly punished me in the post during practice when I was a sophomore.

9. I really think the mass appeal of the U.S. Open is the opportunity to watch the world’s best golfers look like the rest of us for once.

10. Over-under on how many people Kevin Garnett has killed? I’m going with 12.

11. You know, if a black man really wants to be taken seriously as a superhero, he should probably take the word “cock” out of his name. Just a suggestion.

12. Whatever happened to Uno? That game was all the rage for a while.

13. This isn’t a joke, I saw Doc Rivers’ suit at a Goodwill store in Yuma, Arizona six months ago.

14. What are the odds Luke Walton’s first word was “horrrrrible”?

15. If that split-screen thing of Magic Johnson and Larry Bird was actually a real person, would it still have HIV?

16. Jack Nicholson is getting far less air time than Ronny Turiaf, something is seriously wrong.

17. Do any UFC fighters not have hideous tattoos?

18. If I knew Emmanuelle Chriqui had an STD and no protection handy, I’d probably still consider going there.

19. What year, exactly, did Mike Myers stop trying? I’m assuming it was some time around 2003.

20. I can’t decide what I hate more, Boston accents or New York accents, they’re really similar. The only difference is that the typical Boston accent is smaller, not as refined and has an inferiority complex.

21. I have this weird feeling in the back of my mind that an old post will be very prescient some time soon.

22. You think Lou Adler is proud of the size of his son’s balls? (WARNING: That link is NSFW and if you haven’t seen that picture already, you might not want to. It’s one of those things you can’t un-see.)

23. I bet Milton Bradley would be fun to ride the subway with.

24. I really hate basketball right now.

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  1. 5 Responses to “NBA Finals ADD”

  2. 3-6 mafia rhymes it with yurple in that single “stay fly” from last summer…
    dont think yurple is technically a word though…

    By bakersmaker on Jun 13, 2008

  3. Hilarious Post.

    By Purdue Matt on Jun 13, 2008

  4. Hilarious. Okay, I’m with you… Imagine thinking LA was so far in the clear that you decide to call it a night; just to be awakened in the AM by your brother on a text saying “HA HA HA”. And, that’s how I found out that the Celtics wons. Woe is me!

    By VeRonda on Jun 13, 2008

  5. JT is from Memphis. Not that I, like, follow that kinda of stuff.

    By Red on Jun 13, 2008

  6. Joey Fatone is from Brooklyn and went to Dr. Phillips High School.

    By The MCD on Jun 14, 2008

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