Hey, is anyone else waiting impatiently for Bill Simmons’ next breathless 10,000 work blow job about how Paul Pierce is the toughest player ever, Kevin Garnett should have been the MVP, the Celtics are the greatest team in NBA history and Boston fans are smarter than everyone else (namely you)? Yeah, me too. Let me tell ya, that guy’s fantastic analysis of the NBA Finals so far has kept me coming back for more. Takes like: “I can’t believe Laker fans are booing Paul Pierce,” “The referees are totally trying to screw the Celtics,” “Kobe is a jerk and will never be a good teammate” and “Boston fans are real men, whereas Laker fans are mainly pampered celebrities who don’t know how to cheer,” have been so great. What’s even better are his references to 80s movies and music. Those aren’t tired at all. Nope, Simmons is hilarious and loved by everyone, just like Dane Cook. Who could possibly hate him?
So, enjoy this post from the fantastic lads over at Kissing Suzy Kolber about Simmons’ greatness while you’re waiting for his latest column to come out so you can NOT comment on it on his page. Or better yet, go listen to his mousey, homosexual voice that is in no way perfect for ridicule, on his podcast as he tells us how funny Adam Corolla is (He’s really funny. Don’t you think he’s funny? I think he’s funny.) and reminds us how great Boston is, especially when compared to everywhere else.
Alright I’m done.
Wait, not yet.
F*ck Bill Simmons. F*ck the Celtics. And most of all, F*ck the Lakers for packing it in at halftime.