Wilt Chamberlain, Ron Jeremy, And Now…Storm Cat

May 13, 2008 – 6:42 pm by McD

A 21-year career came to an end this week as famed stud Storm Cat ended his fertile, promiscuous tenure as horse breeding’s go-to genitalia for fast offspring. We know many of you like to gamble on the ponies out there and we can’t deny the popularity of horse racing, despite our efforts to prove the Kentucky Derby sucks.

Still, the key to horse racing (and we can’t believe this hasn’t happened in professional human sports) is breeding. Owners pay tons of money to other owners for the privilege of having a champion horse seed their mares. Storm Cat grabbed up to $500,000 per “session” when he was in his prime, possibly the highest fee ever. For perspective, that’s a number that makes The Archbishop Don “Magic” Juan jealous. It’s what A-Rod would get if he were for sale, though you can’t sell breeding rights to humans. That’d be crazy! (Or would it?)

Anyway, this historic moment inspired a few meditations on sports, the universe, and life in general around here. Feel free to add your own thoughts on this momentous occasion in the comments section. Without further ado….

-Steve Garvey thinks Storm Cat is a quitter.

-Was he running out of gas down the stretch or having trouble getting out of the gate?

-Write poetry about THAT, creepy Barbaro people.

-I can’t decide whether I’d want an article on Yahoo! News commemorating the end of my sexual prowess even if I had Storm Cat’s career numbers.

-So if Storm Cat was slaughtered for food, would he technically be “boneless” horse meat?

-Was it more of a Brett Favre or Mike Schmidt press conference?

-I wonder if this was the horse that sired Chelsea Clinton.
(And yes I know I’m going to hell for that one and not just for the implied bestiality either)

-There’s a joke about the Padres’ offense in here somewhere, but I just don’t have the heart to make it anymore. They’ve destroyed my sense of humor.

-Shawn Kemp (or Travis Henry) wishes he could have a “declining fertility rate.”

-He’s still got more pop than Jim Edmonds. (Enjoy that one, Cubs fan)

-$500,000 to have sex with a horse, huh? So THAT’s where Lindsay Lohan’s money went.

-I will not make fun of the WNBA.
I will not make fun of the WNBA.
I will not make fun of the WNBA.
I will not make fun of the WNBA.
I will not make fun of the WNBA.

-This is going to be the longest episode of Maury ever.

-“Who wants to sex Storm Cat?” T-shirt sold separately.

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  1. 4 Responses to “Wilt Chamberlain, Ron Jeremy, And Now…Storm Cat”

  2. $500,000 a session? Damn, H.G. must sold a lot of copies of Friday Night Lights.

    By How do you spell retard? on May 13, 2008

  3. One of these days, someone will be writing this about me…

    By Hick Flick on May 13, 2008

  4. Well son of a bitch. I got the link from Yao’s Wikipedia page, so just go there if you want to see people breeding at its finest.

    By brendan on May 13, 2008

  5. Oh mighty Storm Cat
    Rainbows and angels
    Halos on sperm
    Dark beauty, so so
    so Dark and White
    Oreos and Catherine the Great
    Milky rainbows of seed
    So so so so so
    The angels sing the songs of your mightiness
    And productivity
    And fecundity
    Love and rainbows and mares
    Eight Belles will never know your powerful touch
    Barbaro quietly curses you.

    By the indefatigable mjenks on May 14, 2008

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