A-Rod Can’t Catch A Break

May 6, 2008 – 5:26 pm by McD

I won’t even pretend that Alex Rodriguez doesn’t deserve to be a target of the press. The guy makes too much money and plays for the New York Yankees. In short, he’s much too visible to get away with anything these days, as evidenced by this latest piece that’s making the rounds.

I don’t know how many ways some one can be un-manned on a national level, but A-Rod is doing his best to catch David Beckham’s English record.

To review:
-2000: Signs huge freaking deal with the Texas Rangers, which he could not possibly hope to live up to. Doesn’t. Mariners become best team in baseball shortly after he leaves town.

-2004: Gets into fight with Jason Varitek after being plunked by Bronson Arroyo.

-2004: Rodriguez is universally mocked for trying to slap the ball out of Bronson Arroyo’s glove during an ALCS game.

-2006: Jason Giambi tells Sports Illustrated that Rodriguez has “a false confidence” and manager Joe Torre needs to stop “coddling” A-Rod. In the same article, Rodriguez complained about how he may be unfairly targeted compared to other Yankees cough Mike Mussina cough.

-2006: He also told SI “When people write [bad things] about me, I don’t know if it’s [because] I’m good-looking, I’m biracial, I make the most money, I play on the most popular team.” As you can imagine, this quote really made people sympathetic towards him.

-2007: Stray-Rod-Gate begins when Rodriguez is seen with a stripper (not his wife) heading into a club. It also comes out that he likes his women “manly” and that he likes to text strippers across the country. He’s probably the only guy in the world who strippers actually like when they’re in the club.

-2007: Mrs. A-Rod wears a low-key shirt which is photographed by the press ad-nauseum.

-2007: Rodriguez (allegedly) yells “mine!” or “hah!”while rounding the bases in Toronto, breaking another unwritten baseball rule which is routinely broken by other players.

-2007: A-Rod opts out of his huge contract (which he originally signed w/ the Rangers), effectively ending his tenure with the New York Yankees. Only it doesn’t end anything and Rodriguez gets more money than before. The move causes him to completely alienate his agent, Scott Boras, because he wanted to stay in New York.

-2008: Jose Canseco says the Mitchell Report is incomplete without A-Rod’s name, that he hooked Rodriguez up with a known steroids dealer and that Rodriguez wanted to have sex with Canseco’s wife. Classy all the way around.

-2008: Mrs. A-Rod strikes again and tells the YES Network A-Rod passed out during the birth of his daughter, Natasha. Guess he can’t get the clutch hit in the delivery room either.

So Alex Rodriguez has cheated in multiple ways at his chosen profession (allegedly), got performance enhancing drugs (allegedly), cheated on his wife, possibly many times (allegedly), and now can’t even make it through the birth of his daughter without collapsing under the pressure. Yes, I know that last one is a low blow and happens to a lot of men, but MAN does it suck to be Alex Rodriguez. Well, as long as you don’t count the millions of dollars, good looks and being the best baseball player on the planet.

All these stories have led me to one conclusion: A-Rod has the best press agent in the whole world. He’s gotten a pass on virtually every story listed above. Frankly, it’s easy to take another A-Rod story for granted. There always seem to be juicier sports controversies out there, so Rodriguez gets regarded with a sort of comical pity by everyone. I really only hate him when the Yankees are playing the Padres, for example. The rest of the time, it’s fun to get a laugh out of his latest idiotic escapade, but not much else. Hopefully, he’ll figure this out and start combining stories like: A-Rod Caught With Strippers, Cocaine, Steroids, and His Wife In An Offensive Shirt In Hospital. Or A-Rod Makes Mitch Albom’s Head Explode.

Any press is good press, right?

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  1. 2 Responses to “A-Rod Can’t Catch A Break”

  2. You forget to mention that A-Rod tried to one-up the World Series by announcing that he’d be coming back to the Yankees sometime in the middle of Game 4. Though given the litany of other douchebaggery, I can see how such a thing is possible.

    By Hick Flick on May 6, 2008

  3. Excellent outline on A-Fraud.
    I’m saving this!

    By Kim on May 6, 2008

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