Sports, movies and women. Besides air, water and food, is there really anything else?
Here at Rumors and Rants, we decided to take a look at some of the most underappreciated babes is sports movie history. Now, what’s the criteria you ask? By using the fundamental theorem of calculus and variational principles we’ve been able to eliminate a few of the more well-known and “appreciated” female characters in sports flicks.
Not under consideration:
Rene Russo (Major League), Cindy Morgan (Caddyshack), Susan Sarandon (Bull Durham), Kathy Ireland (Necessary Roughness), Kristy Swanson and Halle Berry (The Program), Ali Larter and Amy Smart (Varsity Blues), Julie Bowen (Happy Gilmore), Elisabeth Shue (The Karate Kid), Renee Zelwegger (Jerry Maguire), Kim Basinger (The Natural), Keira Knightley (Bend it Like Beckham) and Geena Davis (A League of Their Own).
Without further ado, here is our list of the Top 10 Underappreciated Sports Movie Hotties:
10. Lola Bunny; voiced by Kath Soucie. Space Jam (1996)
I’ve always wanted to do a bunny, albeit that of the Playboy variety, but there’s little question as to why Lola becomes the apple of Bugs Bunny’s eye. The girl has grace and can throw it down with the best of them. Bugs can’t wait to give her a 24-carrot/karat (get it?) ring, but unfortunately the two share a last name and even in cartoon world that’s pushing the envelope. Too bad she’s not sisters with Jessica Rabbit.
*Interesting side note. Former IU guard and freshman phenom Eric Gordon played Michael Jordan’s son, Marcus, in the film.
9. Becky O’Shea, ( a.k.a. The Icebox); Shawna Waldron. Little Giants (1994)
A sentimental pick here for me. Due to my striking resemblance to Rick Moranis, who plays Becky’s dad, Danny, all the guys that lived on my floor freshman year would request “Little Giants” on the campus’ movie channel. While I’m not thrilled with The Icebox’s choice of Devon Sawa (remember all those Tiger Beat covers?) as a love interest, this gritty linebacker packs quite the punch. In my dream’s let’s just say, she’s not the one laying the wood…
8. (tie) Julie Gaffney, a.k.a. Julie The Cat; Colombe Jacobsen-Derstine. D2: The Mighty Ducks (1994)/Becky; Colombe Jacobsen-Derstine. Rookie of the Year (1993)
Another sentimental pick, however this one is in honor of Hick Flick and his failed romantic conquest. Let’s just say he was shutout. A year before manning the pipes for Gordon Bombay, Jacobsen-Derstine captivated one Henry Rowengartner.
“Did he just say, “funky buttloving?”
Yes, yes he did, but don’t get any ideas fellas. If Hick Flick can’t seal, no one can. Plus her hyphenated last name smells of matrimony, not KY.
7. Georgia Elkans; Uma Thurman. Johnny Be Good (1988)
In Uma’s first feature film role, she plays the girlfriend of the top high school quarterback in the country, Johnny Walker (played by Anthony Michael Hall, as believable as that is). Colleges throw women, money and cars at Johnny, but in the end he decides turns them all down to go to State College with Uma. Wise choice. Plus, anytime you can throw in a Jim McMahon cameo that’s always a bonus.
6. Kimberly Mullen; Vinessa Shaw. Ladybugs (1992)
I grew up watching this movie. I loved it. I know it’s sad, but it’s true. I’ve always been a soccer player, so I figured that was my natural attraction to the flick. Or maybe it was Rodney Dangerfield. Perhaps it was Jackee’ and her always pleasing squealing. Alas, I think it was my budding appreciation for bouncing gazungas that got me.
5. Lisa Litski; Lea Thompson. All The Right Moves (1983)
Set in a western Pennsylvania steel town, Tom Cruise is Stefen Djordjevic (nice All-American sounding name), a high school football player with a lot on his plate. His coach (shockingly played by Craig T. Nelson) is bad mouthing him to recruiters, his buddy just got his girlfriend pregnant and another buddy got pinched for robbery. But despite all the tough times he still finds time to have simulated sex with Caroline in the City. The script originally just called for Thompson to be nude, but Cruise thought he would make Marty McFly’s mom more comfortable if he was nude too. However, Cruise forgot how uncomfortable he gets when he’s naked with women.
4. Nikki; Brittney Powell. Airborne (1993)
First, a bit of back-story for you. My roommate and I love crappy 80s movies. He particularly enjoys skating movies, so I remembered seeing this movie back in the day and even remembered specific scenes. But I couldn’t for the life of me recall what the dang thing’s name was. I knew it was a one-word title and that it involved skating, though I wasn’t 100 percent certain if it was skateboarding or rollerblading. So we went on Netflix and I found a movie called, “Thrashin’.” It was a one-word title and had Josh Brolin in it. I thought maybe it was Brolin that I remember being the main character. We get the movie, pop it in and I realize right away it’s the wrong movie. Not only is it the wrong movie, it’s down right awful (Not quite as bad as “Rush Hour 3” though). However, there is an interesting Red Hot Chili Peppers cameo that took us by surprise…
So back to “Airborne” and Nikki. She’s hot. Way too hot for Mitchell Goosen, the story’s protagonist. But that’s why they call it a movie. Nikki even outshines appearances by Jack Black and Seth Green far before they became famous.
3. Maggie; Kerri Green. Lucas (1986)
Sure Winona Ryder and Courtney Thorne-Smith went on to bigger and better things (shoplifting and Melrose Place, respectively), but it was Green that captured the eye and heart of Lucas (Corey Haim) as well as Cappie (played by Charlie Sheen).
When Lucas, a nerd with a build much like mine, sees Cappie and Maggie kiss he loses it and decides to join the football team. It doesn’t really work out too well for Lucas, who gets annihilated and hospitalized. But he had the right idea. What’s a little pissing blood when you’re trying to impress Kerri Green?
2. Wendy Peffercorn; Marley Shelton. The Sandlot (1993)
I’ll let the video speak for itself.
1. Lisa Marconi, a.k.a. Boof; Susan Ursitti. Teen Wolf (1985)
Surprised? Don’t be. Boof is the epitome of under-appreciated. Scott Howard (played by Michael J. Fox) didn’t even know what he had. He was too busy drooling over the blonde Pamela, who was dating that ass hole Mick McAllister. But in the End, Scott hits the final free throw giving the Beavers the victory over the Dragons and brushes aside Pamela on his way to lock lips with “the Boofer.” Boof did very little after “Teen Wolf,” limited to guest spots on “Charles in Charge” and “21 Jump Street.” Talk about underappreciated. Here’s to you Boof. We won’t forget you.
Think we left someone off? Have some choices of your own? We’d love to hear from you.