Sean Avery: A Life Of Idiocy

April 15, 2008 – 3:46 pm by Ryan Phillips

By now I’m sure most of you have heard/read about the NHL’s new Sean Avery Rule. Not that you give a damn about hockey, but this was a pretty big story yesterday. The long and short of it is this: Sean Avery’s antics during game three of the Rangers-Devils playoff series were so annoying and “bush league” that the NHL enacted a rule immediately to make sure he wasn’t copied. Here’s the video of Avery’s conduct.

You’ve got to be pretty freaking annoying if a league enacts a rule immediately, with the sole purpose of curbing your ridiculous conduct. But this isn’t the first time Avery has embarrassed himself and the sport of hockey. In fact, he’s made quite a habit of it over his six-year career. He’s mouthed off, caused brawls, insulted everyone around him, been dumped by famous pieces of tail and as far as team chemistry is concerned he’s left a path of destruction not seen in our lifetime. The guy is like some sick combination of Ron Artest, Matt Leinart, the asteroid from Armageddon and Ogie Oglethorpe.

We thought we’d list just a few of the ways Avery has proven himself to be an utter disaster on and off the ice during his career.

– In his first year with the Los Angeles Kings in 2003-04, he played in 76 games and led the NHL in penalty minutes with 261. He edged out well known thug Tie Domi by nearly an hour in the box, despite the fact that Domi played four more games than Avery. He also notched just 25 points on the entire season.

– During the 2004-05 NHL lockout, Avery spouted off publicly about how the situation had been handled. He claimed the NHLPA had lied to its members about the lockout. He claimed “We burned a year for nothing. We didn’t win anything.” Anyone else reminded of the time Canada went on strike?

- Dated Rachel Hunter but they ended their year-long relationship in 2005. This was in her post-“Stacey’s Mom” days, and she has since hit the wall, so maybe that was a good move. Though all indications say the then 36-year-old dumped him. Ouch.

– During the 2005 season, after teammate Jeremy Roenick was hit and given a concussion by Dennis Gauthier, Avery made some interesting remarks. He said, “I think it was typical of most French guys in our league with a visor on, running around and playing tough and not backing anything up.” Needless to say, the French and French-Canadians didn’t take kindly to those statements. Especially given the fact that Avery is Canadian.

– Later in 2005, Georges Laraque of the Edmonton Oilers – a Black Canadian – claimed Avery called him a “monkey” during an October 11, 2005 game. Avery says Laraque made the story up.

– Just over a month later, Avery became the first player fined for intentionally diving during a game. He was fined $1,000 for the incident.

– Then incurred an additional $1,000 fine the next day for criticizing the NHL’s director of operations, Colin Campbell. Avery claimed the fine wasn’t about diving but for something about Avery himself.

– On April 7, 2006, Avery got into a heated argument with Anaheim Mighty Ducks broadcaster, and former Montreal Canadiens goaltender, Brian Hayward in the Kings dressing room. During an April 4 game, Hayward accused Avery of avoiding a fight with Ducks’ forward Todd Fedoruk. Avery was none too pleased. He yelled that Hayward was an “embarrassment” a “(terrible) announcer,” and was a “(terrible) player.” Hayward responded by saying “How would you know? When I played you were in your third year of eighth grade.” Solid work Mr. Hayward.

– Near the end of Avery’s “colorful” season, the Kings suspended him for the rest of the year. The team claimed he was arguing with the coaching staff and refusing practice drills. Somehow Avery convinced the team to re-sign him to a one-year, $1.1 million deal in the offseason. He was a restricted free agent, so by agreeing to a deal with him, they avoided salary arbitration.

– On February 5, 2007 the Kings finally unloaded Avery, sending him to the New York Rangers.

– Despite being with the team for just a few months, by the time salary arbitration came along in July, the Rangers labeled him a “detriment to the team” and “not a mature player.”

- In August of 2007, he was dumped by long-time girlfriend Elisha Cuthbert. By far his biggest blunder, Avery had long talked about proposing to Ms. Cuthbert, but blew any chance he had by waiting too long.

– In a 2007 poll of 283 NHL players, 66.4 percent said that Avery was the most hated player in the league.

– During training camp for the 2007-08 season, it was reported that the Rangers were doing all they could to trade Avery just to get rid of him.

– He briefly dated Mary-Kate Olsen for a few weeks (yes, she’s the one with the eating disorder). But she apparently broke up with him because he cheated on her with his lovely ex, Ms. Cuthbert.

– Colin Campbell and the NHL fined Avery, Darcy Tucker, the Rangers and the Maple Leafs for pre-game actions during warmups before their November 10 meeting. It was alleged that an altercation broke out because of a remark Avery made about Jason Blake’s diagnosis with a rare form of Leukemia. Avery has claimed that was a lie and threatened to sue the radio station that made the claim over it.

- On March 29, 2008 Avery was accused of being involved with the prostitute Kristin Davis who was arrested earlier that week and claimed former New York governor Eliot Spitzer as one of her clients. Avery’s name and private number were in her “little black book” but he claims he must have been the victim of a practical joke.

So yeah, that’s Sean Avery. Great guy huh? And now he has a rule named after him because of his ridiculous conduct. Oh, and the best part is, he even has his own version of Chris Crocker defending him on YouTube. LEAVE AVERY ALONE!!!

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  1. 4 Responses to “Sean Avery: A Life Of Idiocy”

  2. I agree with all of the above, except Avery never dated Rachel Hunter, and thats not him in the picture. Current Edmonton Oiler Jarod Stall is dating her, and that him in the pic.

    /hockey geek

    By Anonymous on Apr 16, 2008

  3. I’d oil’er too.

    By Hick Flick on Apr 16, 2008

  4. Actually he did date Rachel Hunter for a year. Yes, I’m pretty sure that’s Stall in the picture, but I was just putting it up because it’s her in a bikini post-hitting the wall. But yeah, there are like 10 sources that say Avery and Hunter dated for about a year. Google it and you’ll find a bunch.

    By Phillips on Apr 16, 2008

  5. That’s actually not a bad wall to hit, if I do say so myself.

    By 100% Injury Rate on Apr 17, 2008

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