It looks like a Penn State men’s basketball player finally found a way for his classmates to notice that he exists… by jerking off in the school library.
Nittany Lions junior guard Stanley Pringle — once he drops (trou), he can’t stop — approached a female student in the stacks and tried to engage in conversation. Once that didn’t work, he allegedly started beating his meat. While sitting behind her.
Now, Stanley looks a bit more like The Predator than a sexual predator. And he is innocent until proven guilty. But dude, I still think you could use some work on your off-the-court game.
Now, I know how boring things could get at the library. My mind wandered from the books more than once in the hopes that some hot girl would mysteriously appear and make my studies of Russian foreign policy more enjoyable. If you catch my drift.
And we got a well-documented tale of library malfeasance courtesy of Deadspin a couple years back starring a hapless Ohio State fan who just happened to be a library monkey-shocker and an overzealous Cleveland reporter who has a seemingly made-up name.
Stanley needs to understand there is a reason it is called a “spank bank.” You’ve gotta store all that quality co-ed imagery up and then use it in the privacy of your own dorm room. Waxing the carrot in public is sort of like an armed robbery of your spank bank. I guess it’s cool if you get away with it, but chances are you’re not going to.
And what does it say about the status of Penn State basketball when a guy who comes off the bench for a respectable 6.9 points and 2.3 assists per game is getting so little play that he has to whack off to strangers in the library? Talk about a detriment to recruiting. Even college sports writers get more ass than that.
As my buddy Thoprth noted, “The Penn State basketball team sucks at everything, including jerking off in the library without getting busted.”