Derrick Rose Is A Candy Connoisseur

April 7, 2008 – 12:43 pm by admin

We all know the art of picking a sound NCAA Tournament bracket is beyond the reach of most. Hell, it’s not even an art. A baboon could randomly select a better bracket than most of us who consider ourselves knowledgeable could.

But when it comes to picking which team will win the final game, well, that’s a lot easier. It’s just one game. And this year I’ve come up with the perfect logic.

Everybody seems to be riding the Derrick Rose-Chris Douglas-Roberts bandwagon straight to the net-cutting ceremony. In fact, 59 percent of the country thinks Memphis will win tonight, according to’s latest poll.

In the words of Lee Corso, not so fast my friends.

While I do tend to lean toward guys with three names to get the job done in pressure situations (like Lee Harvey Oswald…too soon?), I’ve got reason to believe Kansas will outlast Memphis tonight.

The reason is simple: Kansas is a well-oiled machine. The Jayhawks are men, guys who have been playing together for awhile and play stingy defense. They have the ability and personnel (Brandon Rush) to shut down Derrick Rose.

Rose, on the other hand, appears to be a 5-year old trapped in a 6-4 point guard’s body. Seriously, who misses a media session because he’s eaten too much candy? And, as we all heard earlier, he’s deathly afraid of needles.

Hopefully Calipari can keep him away from the honey buns long enough for him to play tonight. Now I see how he got Rose on the Memphis campus in the first place:

Calipari: As you can see, we run a high-speed, free-flowing offense that will accentuate your abilities.

Rose: Um coach, I don’t weally know what that means. Do you have gummy bears and coworing books? That would be neat.

Calipari: Sure, uhh, yeah. We could get gummy bears. And gummy worms even.

Rose: Yay!!! I’ll pway for you.

Seriously, you’re going to trust that guy to deliver in a championship game? No way.

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  1. 7 Responses to “Derrick Rose Is A Candy Connoisseur”

  2. Derrick Rose is all man my friend. He will own the Jayhawks.

    By Hick Flick on Apr 7, 2008

  3. Yes sir. Derrick Rose is King.

    By xeila on Apr 7, 2008

  4. It amazes me that we have made it this far and you all still can’t seem to give us our respect! And, so what because D. Rose has a weakness for gummy bears and is scared of needles—- when he hits the court so are the members of the opposing team. I don’t know what it is going to take for the rest of the world to stop HATIN’ on Memphis and give us the respect that we have EARNED and DESERVE. Memphis baby!!!! Go Tigers Go!

    By T. Hall M-Town on Apr 7, 2008

  5. Memphis will get the respect they deserve when their fanbase picks up on the subtle art of sarcasm.

    By the incomparable mjenks on Apr 7, 2008

  6. I have been a sherron colllins fan since he was a freshman on varsity at crane highschool. On the other hand Derrick Rose is from the southside of chicago like me(englewood)so i favor both of them but i have respect for MEmphis but i am a jayhawk fan KANSAS ALL DA WAY!!!!!!!!!

    By Anonymous on Apr 7, 2008

  7. Ha, thanks for the defense mjenks. Of course, I appreciate how good both Derrick Rose and his team are. They’re outstanding and I’ve in fact defended them all year long from people who discredit them for being in C-USA. Just having a little fun at Derrick’s gummy bear eating expense.

    That and I do think Kansas will win. That’s why they play the game though, friends.

    By JB on Apr 7, 2008

  8. wow you sure are intelligent rose killed the jayhawks in the second-half and most analyst said he wouldve been the MOP had not chalmers hit the shot to send it in to overtime stop hating thats a weak emotion

    By Anonymous on Apr 9, 2008

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