Hey guess what Bears fans? You know how your team decided to bring back a quarterback who’s virtually worthless last week? Well, the did it again tonight! That’s right, not only is the Sex Cannon going to be back in the Windy City next year, so will Kyle Orton as he and the Bears finalized a contract extension. He’ll be in Chicago through the 2009 season as he continues his way to dying in his 30′s from cirrhosis of the liver.
Around here the two resident Bears fans seem to be mixed about Orton. I mean they both know he sucks but he’s kind of like that mentally handicapped kid in high school, when he functions at all you can’t help but cheer him on. But it’s hard to ignore the fact that there’s like a 50-50 chance he’ll shit himself at anytime. My favorite Orton story is easily the time The Baker told me (in a drunken haze) that a rookie Kyle Orton would be better than Ben Roethlisberger. Little did I know he was obviously referring to his ability to drink like a champion.
Honestly, I love Orton. Love him. And that’s really hard for me to say about a guy who graduated from that cow college to the north. Why do I love the guy? I don’t know if it’s his career 62.2 quarterback rating, 52 percent completion percentage, his 15 interceptions against just 12 touchdowns or the fact that I got to use the term “whiskey-dicked” to describe why he’d be a great wingman. Actually, it’s probably because he’s provided us with so many blog-tastic moments. How about every freaking time he leaves the house. He’s a Hall-of-Fame level drunk and we approve of that. Well, as long as there are photos … and there are … lots of them.
So to celebrate the fact that he’ll be underachieving in Chicago again next year, here’s a photo-tribute to our favorite drunk quarterback since Joe Namath got his shit together (allegedly). Enjoy.God bless you Kyle. Keep it up buddy, we’ll be watching.