Party Time In Chicago!

February 26, 2008 – 12:59 am by Ryan Phillips

Hey guess what Bears fans? You know how your team decided to bring back a quarterback who’s virtually worthless last week? Well, the did it again tonight! That’s right, not only is the Sex Cannon going to be back in the Windy City next year, so will Kyle Orton as he and the Bears finalized a contract extension. He’ll be in Chicago through the 2009 season as he continues his way to dying in his 30’s from cirrhosis of the liver.

Around here the two resident Bears fans seem to be mixed about Orton. I mean they both know he sucks but he’s kind of like that mentally handicapped kid in high school, when he functions at all you can’t help but cheer him on. But it’s hard to ignore the fact that there’s like a 50-50 chance he’ll shit himself at anytime. My favorite Orton story is easily the time The Baker told me (in a drunken haze) that a rookie Kyle Orton would be better than Ben Roethlisberger. Little did I know he was obviously referring to his ability to drink like a champion.

Honestly, I love Orton. Love him. And that’s really hard for me to say about a guy who graduated from that cow college to the north. Why do I love the guy? I don’t know if it’s his career 62.2 quarterback rating, 52 percent completion percentage, his 15 interceptions against just 12 touchdowns or the fact that I got to use the term “whiskey-dicked” to describe why he’d be a great wingman. Actually, it’s probably because he’s provided us with so many blog-tastic moments. How about every freaking time he leaves the house. He’s a Hall-of-Fame level drunk and we approve of that. Well, as long as there are photos … and there are … lots of them.

So to celebrate the fact that he’ll be underachieving in Chicago again next year, here’s a photo-tribute to our favorite drunk quarterback since Joe Namath got his shit together (allegedly). Enjoy.God bless you Kyle. Keep it up buddy, we’ll be watching.

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  1. 14 Responses to “Party Time In Chicago!”

  2. is that Aaron Rowand with him in the first picture of a girl on his lap?

    By Anonymous on Feb 26, 2008

  3. yup…thats aaron

    By Anonymous on Feb 26, 2008

  4. Come on Kyle, you’re gallavanting with some seriously marginal poon.

    By Rupert Entwistle on Feb 26, 2008

  5. Rupert,
    To be fair, the Whiskey-goggles are probably pretty thick once Mr. Orton starts a drinkin’.

    By Phillips on Feb 26, 2008

  6. If you want to see something odd, check out Sexy Rexy’s stats from 2006 and then Eli’s from 2007.

    Everyone should aspire to be a mediocre QB on a great team.

    By Schlom on Feb 26, 2008

  7. (Kyle Orton + Bacon Pants Rowand) * booze = pure unadulterated joy

    By CLARE. on Feb 26, 2008

  8. does he drink whiskey?

    By Shane Bacon on Feb 26, 2008

  9. THIS Pathetic ass-clown wishes he were half as great as Ben Rothlesberger–all 3 of your bears q.b’s couldn’t matchup to Charlie Batch–let alone Big Ben—-drink up bear fans—-

    By Anonymous on Feb 26, 2008

  10. Oh man, how I love K.O. My favorite picture of him has always been the one in the back of the limo with that MILF/Cougar, because the timestamp says 11 a.m. I sincerely hope that is the real time.

    Also, K.O. lives a block away from my friend’s parents. It has been reported that he is now clean-shaven, but still hasn’t cut his hair.

    By Hick Flick on Feb 26, 2008

  11. Anonymous @ 5:54,
    Apparently you were sipping a little much of Mr. Orton’s friend Jack D’s heady concoction. The Baker told me KO was better than Big Ben before Orton’s rookie year but, to be fair, he was ossified at the time. So let it slide OK? Save your anger for selected “Steely McBeam” as your new mascot.

    By Phillips on Feb 26, 2008

  12. Not Only is K.O. a Drinking All-Star, when he has the beard and shaggy hair, he is a dead ringer for a young Les Claypool, one of the best bass players ever. If he really is clean-shaven, it’s gotta be because he’s getting married this week ( What will become of Party-time Orton once he’s tied the knot? Will we ever see a new picture of him completely shitfaced? I’m afraid that may be the case…

    By Charlie on Feb 27, 2008

  13. I was at the bar in Iowa City that Orton got drunk at (the college humor picture)…it was the weekend after he threw 5 picks against the Bengals

    I can tell you first hand, he got on top of the bar, took his shirt off, grabbed a moderately attractive blonde girl up there with him, had one hand on her ass, one hand chugging the JD that he bought from behind the bar (for a steep $80). People were either cheering him or taunting him for the five interceptions (I was yelling at him to go watch film)

    He then passed out, and the bouncers carried him away….it was a good night

    By Iowa on Feb 28, 2008

  14. During Orton’s senior year at Purdue, on a Wednesday night I ran into him at one of the bars on campus. This was right after he dropped 2 games to Michigan and Wisconsin and injured his hip pointer. I remember this because, as I walked into the bathroom to take a leak. He was there, leaning against the wall by the urinals talking to his penis. At least I assume it was his penis, because no one else was around and he was saying stuff like, “We can get this back together. We’ll show everyone.” I gave up on the season at that point.

    By Anonymous on Mar 4, 2008


    By bculz on Aug 7, 2008

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