This is not a post chastising Kelly Tilghman for saying young golfers should “lynch Tiger” in order to be able to compete with him. Real nice, lady. She apologized to Tiger and everyone else. And, frankly, she said it on the Golf Channel, so no one was watching anyway. You can tell it was a bad, off-the-cuff remark because of how lame an image she used.
That’s what upset me the most. “Lynch Tiger Woods in a back alley”? Really? That’s the best you could do? Then again, she DID go to Duke. Enough said.
Look, if you’re going to be offensive, go big. Knock one out of the park. Become front page news. With that in mind, here’s our list of some offensive things Ms. Tilghman could have said if she wanted to make a really big splash.
-“Anyone else find themselves instinctively protecting their wallet when Tiger’s around?”
-“Man, that Erin Andrews is a piece of ass, isn’t she?”
-“What the hell kind of name is ‘Sam Alexis’?”
-“I wouldn’t mind borrowing Tiger from Elin so I could play Black Snake Moan, the home game.”
-“Hey, Nick Faldo, you ever notice how you can get really high, then go on TV and say ridiculous shit and have no one notice? Uhhh, me either.”
-“I don’t know why people think Andy Rooney is insane. I find him insightful and witty.”
-“Natalie Gulbis is a great young golfer, but I could totally take her in a naked tickle fight.”
-“You know I heard a rumor that the reason Jim Furyk has that hitch in his shot is because of an old injury he suffered while killing a hooker. But I doubt it’s true, Jim is usually really gentle when he kills a whore.”
-“What’s with this Barak Obama fever? I’m sick of black men begging for change.”
-“So Phil Mickelson and I are comparing cup sizes the other day…”
-“The new American Gladiators is awesome.”
-“You know Tiger’s dominance on the tour has been really overblown. Personally I think it’s a myth…like the Holocaust.”
-“That putt is so easy to read even a Puerto Rican could do it.”
-“When Fuzzy Zoeller made that comment about Tiger’s Master’s dinner why were people offended? Was it because he forgot to mention watermelons?”
Any other suggestions for Ms. Tilghman?
UPDATE: If you want to read the height of craziness, check out the comments at the bottom of this article about Tilghman’s apology. You’ll be glad you did.