Four More Years! Four More Years!

January 21, 2008 – 2:30 pm by Hickey

It’s easy to see why Major League Baseball recently decided to extend Bud Selig’s tenure as commissioner until 2012. After all, it’s not like he turned a blind eye to the biggest scandal the sport has seen in 80 years and has to constantly testify in front of Congress or anything.

In honor of Bud’s deserved contract extension, we’ll take a look at some others who are more deserving of full-time employment than anyone who writes for Rumors and Rants.

– You know who should get a job as an NFL head coach? Some guy who has a career record that’s 25 games below .500 at the college level, like Cam Cameron.

Wait, someone already tried doing that? I wonder how it worked out.

Don Imus, the nation’s leader in insightful commentary on nappy-headed ho’s, certainly deserves a second chance to bring his brand of “hilarious 30 years ago” antics back to the airwaves.

Phew. Good thing the radio industry was on the same page.

– How come nobody has every brought my boy Wayne Fontes back into the coaching business? Sure, you may laugh now. It happens every time someone looks at a picture of the guy. But who was the last coach to lead the Detroit Lions to a playoff win? You’re lookin’ at him.

If there is anything that’s been made perfectly clear this offseason, it is that no one actually wants to coach the Falcons. But I bet Wayne would give it a shot. Who could say no to a face like that?

– At least the Cincinnati Reds know what they are doing. As you probably know by now, they hired Dusty Baker this offseason. That makes Dusty the first ex-Cubs manager to manage another team since the Astros hired Leo Durocher back in ’72.

At last, the Reds have unlocked the key to success. And for all these years I thought it had something to do with having a pitching staff. However, I am a bit surprised that Dusty was the ex-Cub manager that broke the hex. All my money was riding on Bruce Kimm.

– Admit it, Republicans. You’re not sure who to pick to represent your party’s nomination for president in 2008. This thing doesn’t look like it’s going to be settled for awhile. And even then, it will be a bit of a compromise choice. So why not go to the man that done such a great job of representing the GOP for the past eight years: George W. Bush.

I know, I know. It’s not “constitutional.” But if there is one thing G-Dub has taught us over the years, it’s that the Constitution is a silly document that should be looked to more so as a guide of helpful hints than rules. (If the stupid Constitution people have a complaint, just jump through the loophole and have Laura run for president. What better to determine 24 consecutive years of a Bush or Clinton running the White House than another Bush-Clinton election? This is the lack of creativity and fresh blood Americans are dreaming of!)

Dubya always wanted to be the MLB commissioner when he left office. Now, what on earth would he do with himself for the next four years waiting for Bud to get out of office? The ranch in Crawford, Texas can’t be that exciting.

That’s right. Four more years! Four more years! You’re feelin’ me.

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  1. 3 Responses to “Four More Years! Four More Years!”

  2. If you’re joking, it’s not funny. . . .

    If you’re not joking, it’s not funny. . . .

    By Anonymous on Jan 22, 2008

  3. This post falls so short of its potential. Embarrassing.

    By zac on Jan 22, 2008

  4. If you thought I was being serious, you’re probably retarded.

    If you are offended that I made fun of Bud Selig and George W. Bush, you are retarded.

    And Zac, learn to spell your name correctly. Unless you’re Zac Efron, in which case you’re dreamy.

    By Hick Flick on Jan 22, 2008

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