Miami’s Morning After With Cam Cameron

December 21, 2007 – 3:50 am by Ryan Phillips

Bill Parcells officially signed a four-year contract with the Miami Dolphins on Thursday to become their executive vice president of football operations. The deal will essentially give Parcells full control over everything football related for Wayne Huizenga’s franchise. Boy, I bet it’s a joy to be around Cam Cameron right now huh?

Let’s not sugarcoat this one, regardless of what he does from here on out, Cameron’s days in Miami are numbered. Parcells will surely want to bring in his own head coach, someone loyal to him who he trusts, to run his new team. Oh, they might keep good ol’ Cam for a portion of next season just to see what happens but at the first sign of trouble he’ll be gone. Cam is a nice guy. He’s soft spoken, fun-loving and relaxed. I’m sure that type of attitude will sit real well with Parcells, since he loves that type of soft approach so much.

The move to bring in “The Tuna” is really out of nowhere for the Dolphins. It’s like Huizenga suddenly woke up and realized he made a huge mistake and is trying to do whatever he can to fix it. I mean sure Cameron did a decent job as the Chargers offensive coordinator, but gaining yards and scoring points shouldn’t be too tough when you’ve got LaDainian Tomlinson, Antonio Gates and a stellar offensive line (hope you’re paying attention Norv). Before his stint in San Diego Cameron spent five agonizing years as the head coach at Indiana University. His 18-37 record with the Hoosiers endeared him to absolutely no one. So Miami saw a guy with that resume, handed him the keys to the franchise and what’s the first major move he makes? He passes on several worthy candidates (Patrick Willis anyone?) and takes glorified return man Ted Ginn Jr. with the first pick of his era. The best part was when Dolphins fans welcomed Cam with boos as he announced the pick. It’s one of my favorite sports moments of 2007. Solid work guys.

But it’s clear to everyone on the planet that Cam is in over his head. And now Huizenga and Co. have realized it too. They made a regrettable decision and now have gone in the complete opposite direction to try and right the ship.

The only comparison I could think of for what the Dolphins have done by bringing in Parcells goes like this:

OK, so there’s a guy you know, we’ll call him “Wayne.” You hang out with him, might even really like him, but you’ve always thought he was a little … you know … feminine. He’s always dated girls and had long relationships but he always seems to overcompensate by trying to act really manly. You know the guy is insecure about that part of his personality but you’re not going to say anything. Well, “Wayne” hits a rough patch. He’s struggling, going through some things and had a messy breakup with his ex. So one night you take him out drinking to get him back into the game. Sure enough he disappears with the first chick who comes up to him. But something about her made you think looked a little strange. You call him on his cell to see where he is and he drunkenly tells you he’s fine and doesn’t need your help. Even when you plead with him, he ignores it. Oh well, gotta let the guy make his own mistakes right? Fast-forward to the next morning. Wayne wakes up and rolls over to see the chick he brought home going to the bathroom … only she’s standing.

After several weeks of crying himself to sleep nightly and showering every six minutes, he does the only thing he can to convince himself he’s not actually gay. He goes out and looks for the hottest chick he can, hopefully ropes her and brings her everywhere with him, just to prove to everyone and himself that he’s as straight as they come.

Now maybe I’m crazy, but that’s pretty much exactly what this move by the Dolphins looked like to me. By the way, any similarity between this story and Jeff Garcia’s real life is purely coincidental.

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