That’s right folks, we’re here at the Rumors and Rants war room, which has been converted for tonight into the Rumors and Rants Thunder Dome. Two men enter, one man leaves, and the two of us sit here and make sarcastic comments.
We’ll be bringing you full coverage of a televised sporting event that everyone can watch for free. That’s just how we roll. We’re giving you an insider’s look at UFC 75 tonight. And by “insider” we mean we know exactly as much as you do about this stuff. Maybe a little more. McD considers himself a bit of an expert on the subject of MMA fights, but he’s no Joe Rogan.
We’re at T-minus 30 minutes until UFC 75 kicks off. We’ve been watching Texas A&M win in triple overtime running their high school offense; they just happen to have the biggest running back in their sectional.
T-minus 15 minutes left until the first fight on Spike. You can read our preview for the card here and see how wrong we’ll be. Hopefully not about Mirko Cro Cop though.
And here we go!
Before we get started, it’s worth noting that Dan Henderson’s face looks exactly like the meat Rocky was hitting in the freezer. That guy’s been through a thing or two in the ring/octagon.
Fight 1: Houston Alexander vs. Alessio Sakara
Unfortunate “fruit” metaphor from Rogan to open the show. Looks like fun tonight though. This feels a little like watching a Wrestlemania, or at least a Royal Rumble.
If Houston Alexander had been knocked out by Keith Jardine in 48 seconds, would HE be fighting Chuck Liddell on PPV? Excellent question, Phillips.
How much, exactly, is one stone? Freaking England.
Houston, we have a problem…avoiding using that line.
Boring, boring, boring, punches, boring, rolling on the ground, boring, boring…HOLY SH*T that’s gotta hurt. Stoppage for Alexander. He totally dropped Sakara with a knee and beat the crap out of him on the ground. Nice way to start the night. I feel alive.
Winner: Houston Alexander by referee stoppage in the first round at 1:01.
The loser is Sakara, but we’re the real winners tonight. Not to do a Paul Maguire impression, but Sakara really should try to avoid some of those punches in the future.
Unfortunate tattoos on Alexander, but he’s kinda awesome. And if you didn’t catch that, Nebraska is IN THE BUILDING. Way to actually answer Joe Rogan’s questions, by the way.
First Indiana Football update of the evening: IU 10 Directional Michigan #2 (WMU) 7, 7 minutes left in second quarter.
Fight 2: Paul Taylor vs Marcus Davis
Most attended fight in London since Frank Bruno vs Oliver McCall huh? Wow, the UFC is in some really good company there.
Had I known that Taylor was English and Davis was known as “The Irish Hand Grenade,” I probably would have thought twice before picking Davis…in London where the average person may have some issues with Irish explosive devices.
Taylor just explained his strategy for the fight and I know he’s speaking English, but I didn’t understand a word of it.
Guess Davis is checking to see if Taylor is wearing a cup…
These guys are like fighting a mirror. VERY similar styles.
Wow, BIG kick by Taylor, but Davis somehow managed to survive the beating.
More big punches from Taylor and Davis is just hanging on for dear life. Now his head is in Taylor’s crotch. Good times.
Amazing turnaround in the fight. Suddenly Davis is on top and raining punches on Taylor.
And it ends with an armbar by Davis! What a freaking fight. You don’t see the tide turn like that in the middle of a round very often. Davis was completely screwed and should have been out 90 seconds into the fight, but he got on top of Taylor and that was pretty much it. Clutch submission as he ended up back on his back.
Winner: Marcus Davis by tapout in the first round. Taylor looks like some one beat the mole off of Drew Brees’ face.
Fight 3: Mirko Cro Cop vs. Cheick Kongo
This is definitely the only time that Duran Duran sounds kinda badass. It really is the most inexplicable entrance song in MMA or professional wrestling, for that matter. We’ve been waiting for this fight since the Gonzaga fight. Please God, let Cro Cop win this one. We don’t care if we sound biased.
Just a little jabbing and light kicks. Kongo lands a few inside kicks.
Cro Cop gets Kongo onto the ground, which could be trouble for Kongo, who isn’t great on the ground. Cro Cop in full mount now. Nearly got an arm bar.
Kongo gets on top at the very end, but doesn’t do much.
Round 1 has to go to Cro Cop.
Another good kick for Kongo. Cro Cop is backing up a lot. He looks tentative.
Finally, Cro Cop’s first landed kick. Apparently Fedor has the advantage in this fight, according to Joe Rogan.
Cro Cop is actually working for submissions on the ground a little before Kongo gets side control. Elbow right to Cro Cop’s throat. Ouch.
Nice axe kick for Kongo, had we seen it instead of the close up of Cro Cop’s crotch. Kongo is still in control on top of Cro Cop.
Wow, now that’s how you get up from the ground. Low blow by Kongo with a knee, no less.
Cro Cop needs to get aggressive, NOW. He looks frustrated. Couple of excellent knees by Kongo.
Round 2 has to go to Kongo. Should be 1-1.
We should remind everyone that we’re watching this instead of IU/WMU and LSU/Va Tech, not that the LSU game is turning out to be interesting at the moment. It’s hard to get angry at Virginia Tech this season though. 17-0 bad guys.
Stop holding back, Mirko. At least he’s advancing now.
ANOTHER low blow by Kongo. This is getting ridiculous, plus the next one could cost him the fight. Mrs. Cro Cop is going to be very upset. Man, the whole crowd felt that one.
God, I felt that one too.
More kicks and jabs by Kongo. Don’t just stand there Cro Cop. Another good kick and Cro Cop is against the cage again. Watch your junk, dude.
So why have the fence on the Octagon if fighters can’t grab it?
Cool kick by Cro Cop, like a counter to Kongo’s. Axe kick maybe? Who knows the terminology, people?
This has been a completely unexpected non-action fight by Cro Cop. Maybe his balls hurt worse than we thought. This sucks. It’s like he wasn’t prepared for Kongo to be aggressive. Now his eye is swelling.
Joe Rogan means that no one gets an easy fight except for Chuck Liddell, right?
End of round 3. Should go to Kongo 2 rounds to 1. Weak dude, weak. Maybe Stiffler’s new movie can teach us to forget the painful memories of Cro Cop’s last two fights.
Winner: Kongo in a unanimous decision. He must be proud of himself for defeating Mirko Cro Cop’s sissy twin brother.
Nice work Cheick. Loved you in Amistad and Gladiator. Must be hard to switch from acting to fighting.
Still disappointed by Cro Cop. Phillips has run into his room and doesn’t want to talk to anyone. No excuses for Cro Cop. Can’t blame it on the Octagon this time. I just explained to Phillips that if he comes back out, he can watch a deaf guy get beat up with a clear conscience.
Phillips is back.
Fight 4: Michael Bisping vs Matt Hamill
STILL disappointed in Cro Cop. Still, he obviously managed to never wuss out against terrorists.
Everyone watching this should watch It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia on Thursday. Wonderful show.
IU update #2: third quarter 31-7 IU, 11 minutes to play. So what if they just got denied on the goal line three times? Next time, use Josiah “The Church Bus” Sears.
Matt Hamill should hear his entrance music, it’s awesome. BOOOOOORN IN THE USAAAAAAA!!!
You have to wonder if it was his idea to use that music or if some one in his corner is dying from laughter. We would have used “I Touch Myself” if we were in his entourage but that’s just us.
Take your time getting to the ring, Michael. Apparently he’s a Lee Smith fan.
Bisping seems to be in quite the good mood before the beginning of the first round. If Matt Hamill had the home-arena advantage…it wouldn’t matter at all.
Ok, ok, that was the last deaf joke.
Phillips has fired off about five more deaf jokes, but I’ve now been above that for the last 45 seconds.
Nice aggression by Hamill at the beginning. Trading punches a little and then a flying freaking kick. Hamill has ret… “special person’s” strength.
We’re going to hell.
It’s a little surprising that this fight has been mostly stand-up since Hamill has such an advantage on the ground. Second headlock by Hamill.
BIG punch by Hamill. Bisping is hurt and bleeding. More good shots. What’s up with the home crowd favorites tonight? England can never win the big one on a world stage.
Yes, that was a soccer shot at England.
Hamill straight up dominated the first round. This is like the battle of Yorktown, baby.
STILL upset about Cro Cop. God.
Bisping looks totally out of sorts in there so far. Though he is a little more aggressive until Hamill gets him down again. They keep saying Bisping is going down to 185 pounds. Might be during this fight.
Hamill lets Bisping up. Guess he wants us to be entertained.
Bisping is definitely the aggressor now. Hamill seems to be waiting for him to open himself up again…and he takes Bisping down again.
Pretty even round this time. Probably should go to Hamill because of the take downs or be a draw.
Bisping comes out firing, but Hamill is playing good boxing defense.
Hamill is definitely dropping his hands and telegraphing his takedowns now. He’s gotta be tired. Bisping has energy now but it might be too late because he’s still not getting anything solid on Hamill.
Nice takedown by Hamill right up against the cage. But Bisping gets up without much damage done.
Hamill gets Bisping down AGAIN. Bisping just can’t get anything hardly at all. Bisping keeps coming THIS close to an armbar.
Side control now for Hamill. Bad times for Bisping.
Hamill is exhausted at the end, but there’s just not enough time for Bisping to win.
We give the third to Bisping, but just barely. He did a little more damage.
Winner: Bisping in a split decision. Hamill got robbed. Just plain robbed. But whatever, give England their little happy moment. We won the Revolutionary War, they can have this. The crowd seems split on it though. There are a lot of boos out there. Also, Bisping has no business telling Hamill to go back to wrestling, Bisping didn’t exactly dominate this one.
Does the crowd think Hamill can hear them? At least he’s being gracious about it. There’s a smattering applause out there for him. Maybe they just figured out he’s deaf.
Fight 5: Dan Henderson vs. Quinton Jackson
I know the only people that care are sitting here, or up in heaven (we miss you Terry *tear*) but it’s 34-14 Indiana near the end of the third quarter. Apparently they gave up a 98-yard touchdown or something. Whatever.
Since “Good Luck Chuck” is a sponsor of this event, we want to take a moment to mention how much Jessica Alba is sliding for us since the whole Derek Jeter’s Herpes thing. Haven’t seen some one’s stock drop like that since Rick “Wild Thing” Vaughn. Will she redeem herself like he did? Hard to say.
Randy Couture has Rampage in this fight, but what does he know? He only called Gonzaga over Cro Cop and Rampage over Liddell. Kinda wish he’d made that prediction before I made mine.
FANTASTIC entrance song for Hendo. “Wake Up” is a totally underrated Rage Against the Machine song, even if it was in the end credits of “The Matrix.”
It sounds like Rampage went the Shawn Michaels route and made his own entrance music. Some one needs to check on this. Speaking of which, Michaels’ entrance music is still timeless.
Rampage looks mean.
Rampage is fighting out of Irvine and Henderson is fighting out of Temecula. They should have had this fight in Anaheim. It’s the Battle for Orange and Riverside Counties!
Rampage comes out crazy, but doesn’t really do any damage.
Lots of clinching and knees from both guys. Very technical fight so far, but both are hitting REALLY hard. Hendo is throwing freaking haymakers.
Henderson gets Rampage down and throws some good elbows. Apparently he has “tremendous top game.”
Henderson has slowed things down and is totally in control. Until the reversal by Rampage. Nice reverse hex by me there.
Those high knees from Henderson have to be hurting Rampage’s thigh. Not much activity at the moment. That was an intentional hex-attempt.
Rampage takes a big left from Henderson. Hendo is executing the Couture (vs Gonzaga) playbook to perfection so far.
Clearly Henderson’s round. Four more to go, potentially.
Not so aggressive beginning from Rampage this time.
Some fun flurries in this fight, but few landed punches so far. Another takedown for Henderson who promptly passes Rampage’s guard and gets side control.
A little bit of the “lay and pray” from Henderson here. Some boos from the crowd. Up comes Rampage and everyone’s happy.
More grappling against the cage before Hendo blows a wrestling throw and Rampage ends up on top.
Nice damage by Rampage from the side. Those elbows to the body have got to hurt the next morning too. More boos from the crowd.
Round 2 should go to Rampage pretty easily.
Slow pace again. This definitely helps Henderson.
Some one needs to do something, NOW.
A few good strikes from Rampage there but Henderson comes back with a nice knee before being taken down. Rampage on the side again.
HARD knees to Henderson’s body. It’s the little things that kill you.
The crowd is upset. This is a pretty technical fight and they didn’t get their KO by Cro Cop tonight.
Henderson goes for the submission, rolls, and ends up on top of Rampage. Now that’s a professional fighter. Not that we’re biased because we picked Henderson or anything.
Hendo takes Rampage’s back, but it’s probably too late to do anything. Nice flurry there at the end.
We’re calling that round even, but if the judges have to pick, only Rampage could have won it outright.
“Measured” pace again.
Rampage gets Hendo down, but I’m not sure with what. Hendo comes THIS close to an arm bar.
Still going for the arm bar. Finally Rampage is out. Man is he strong.
Henderson looks tired.
Did dude just say that Fedor is coming in to fight Couture? God I hope that’s true.
Rampage has been in control on top for a while now doing some good damage. Still a slow pace though.
One minute to go and it looks like Henderson is taking this round off.
Should be 2-1 Rampage with one round even heading into the last round.
Both fighters look tired. This has been a tougher fight than it first seems.
Henderson needs to do something aggressive. He’s been reacting to Rampage too much.
Nice left by Rampage. Really accurate puncher.
Bernard Hopkins-style shoulder by Henderson in the clinch. This Couture stuff doesn’t work so well when you’re behind though.
Good hook by Henderson followed by a flurry from Rampage. He’s starting to win the stand-up battle…until Henderson hurts him with a hard right. And onto the ground we go again.
Oddly, it might actually be better for Henderson if this fight stayed standing up. Some good ground and pound though.
Back on the feet and Rampage takes Henderson down. Hendo looks exhausted and stumbles at the end, but not really from punches.
Round 5 for Henderson.
We have it 2-2 with an even round. It all depends on how the judges saw the third round. Get ready to kiss your sister.
Winner: Quinton “Rampage” Jackson in a unanimous decision. Some boos from the crowd there. Rampage just told Henderson, “Damn, you got a strong chin.” Apparently his fists hurt from hitting Henderson so much.
Quote of the night: “I was thinking, damn, I better do something, or Dan gonna whoop my ass.”
Rampage “got Jiu-Jitsu” too. He is now our favorite non-Couture UFC fighter. We still love Cro Cop, but tonight was ridiculous.
It has also been decided that the various Republican and Democrat Presidential candidates should let Jackson and Floyd Mayweather speak for them at all the upcoming debates.
We thank you for watching along with us tonight and we wish each and every one of you happiness and success in the future. For Phillips, I am McD. Good fight. Good night.