I take air for granted, sex is infrequent and Douglas’ 80s style mullet is only good for two hours at a time. But fantasy football is 17 weeks of pure, unadulterated joy.
If America’s males put as much time into their work as they do researching a potential sleeper running back they can nab in the eighth round, cancer would be cured, world peace would exist and Ethanol fuel would be available at more than seven gas stations nationwide.
Point being, fantasy football consumes us all, and I write this from my desk at work while I should undoubtedly be doing something more productive with my time. But I can’t. I won’t. It’s football season and that’s all that matters.
Over the course of the next week or so, we at Rumors and Rants will preview the upcoming season position by position, providing our rankings of the top players at each position, those who are overrated, underrated and so on.
We start this week with the ultimate glamour position:
1. Peyton Manning, IND – Not much surprise here.
2. Carson Palmer, CIN – Chad Johnson, T.J. Houshmandzadeh and Inmate #5621986 will assure Palmer has another outstanding campaign.
3. Tom Brady, NE – This must be the year of the upgrade for Brady. First Gisele over Bridget and now Randy Moss, Donte’ Stallworth and Wes Welker in place of guys named Reche and Jabar. I hear Rod Stewart in the background, “Some guys have all the luck…”
4. Marc Bulger, STL – As steady as they come. He had eight games of 300+ yards last year, tying him with Drew Brees for the league lead.
5. Donovan McNabb, PHI – McHam is healthy, so it seems. Can he pick up where he left off before his injury last year, which had him at 18 TDs in 10 games? He will, and then he’ll let everyone in the world know about it.
6. Drew Brees, NO – Of the top tier quarterbacks, Brees has the most limited arsenal, but Marques Colston and Reggie Bush will more than make up for the likes of Terrance Copper and Devery Henderson.
Tony Romo, DAL – Romo has the weapons and the moxy, but let’s not get carried away here. The Messiah, as some are treating him in Dallas, still threw 13 picks in 10 starts last year. Wade Phillips has no allegiance to Romo and if he stumbles, Brad Johnson, yes Brad Johnson is waiting in the wings.
J.P. Losman, BUF – Still perceived as an immature, cocky douche, Losman is rounding into a fine quarterback option. He threw for more than 3,000 yards last year and 19 touchdowns and the Bills will need to throw and throw often to remain in games or at least make the score look better.
Steve McNair, BAL – I’m not sure if there’s such a thing as a sleeper at the quarterback position, but expectations for McNair are low this year after last year’s blah season in which everyone expected him to be the Air McNair of old. But McNair will post solid numbers this year and will make a nice fantasy backup.
John Beck, MIA – Brady Quinn? JaMarcus Russell? Sorry folks, Beck is the closest of the trio to seeing the field. Why? One hit can re-introduce the cobwebs to Trent Green’s fragile brain and Cleo Lemon doesn’t exactly strike confidence. Quinn is behind the serviceable Charlie Frye and Russell still isn’t in camp. Beck might be the starter by midseason.