Tale Of The Tape: Milli Vanilli Vs. Barry Bonds

August 7, 2007 – 12:00 pm by Ryan Phillips

So if you’ve been following the site for a while you realize we’re not exactly the biggest fans of Barry Bonds and his quest for a tainted record. So while thinking of other completely fraudulent achievements over the years it occurred to me, this whole Barry and steroids thing is a lot like the Milli Vanilli scandal of the early 90s. So I took some time to examine which was a more fraudulent achievement, Bonds’ rise to the top of the home run list or Milli Vanilli’s rise to the top of the pop charts. So here’s a tale of the tape style look at the comparison of who looks better when considering their respective scandals.

Achievement
Milli Vanilli: Won Best New Artist Grammy in 1990, had three No.1 singles, sold 30 million singles and 14 million albums in less than two years.
Bonds: Holds the single season home run mark and will soon own the all-time record.
Advantage: Push

Credentials
Milli Vanilli: None
Bonds: Seven MVP Awards
Advantage: Bonds

Crime
Milli Vanilli: Didn’t actually sing.
Bonds: According to “Game of Shadows” and other sources, to get bigger and increase his power numbers, he took: “the cream,” “the clear,” Human Growth Hormone, Insulin (which enhances the effects of growth hormone), Testosterone decanoate, Trenbolone (a steroid used in livestock), Stanozolol (also known as Winstrol), Clomid (a drug prescribed for infertility but used to mask the effects of steroid use), Deca-Durabolin and Norbolethone.
Advantage: Milli Vanilli

Natural Talent
Milli Vanilli: They could really dance and their hair was fantastic.
Bonds: Would have easily gone to the Hall of Fame without the juice.
Advantage: Bonds

Public Response To Scandal
Milli Vanilli: Laughter
Bonds: Outrage
Advantage: Milli Vanilli

People They Made Look Bad
Milli Vanilli: The recording industry
Bonds: Bud Selig
Advantage: Bonds

Sympathetic TV Show
Milli Vanilli: “Behind The Music”
Bonds: “Bonds On Bonds”
Advantage: Milli Vanilli

People They Robbed
Milli Vanilli: Other nominees for Best New Artist Grammy in 1990: Tone Loc, Soul II Soul, Indigo Girls, Neneh Cherry
Bonds: Hank Aaron
Advantage: Milli Vanilli

Greatest Hits
Milli Vanilli: “Blame It On The Rain,” “Baby Don’t Forget My Number”
Bonds: 500-plus-foot home run off Troy Percival in ninth inning of game two of the 2002 World Series
Advantage: Bonds

Public Perception
Milli Vanilli: Seemed like nice guys who got used
Bonds: Most hated man in sports
Advantage: Milli Vanilli

In Their Defense
Milli Vanilli: They returned the Grammy
Bonds: He’s been nice to the media for the last few weeks
Advantage: Milli Vanilli

Still Better Than…
Milli Vanilli: ‘N Sync
Bonds: Pacman Jones
Advantage: Bonds

Verdict: 6-5, Milli Vanilli
By the slightest of margins, the German non-crooners edge the Pumpkin-headed Bay Area resident. The 6-5 triumph means that Milli Vanilli looked better after their scandal than Bonds does. In the world of fraudulent achievements that ranks pretty damn low. Congrats to Fab Morvan and Rob Pilatus (may he rest in peace) on their victory. We have a feeling its the first time they’ve won anything in a while.

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  1. 9 Responses to “Tale Of The Tape: Milli Vanilli Vs. Barry Bonds”

  2. Let it be, what says Aaron never used anything? Other than the fact that he was never tested.

    By Anonymous on Aug 7, 2007

  3. are you joking? what was around to use in the 60’s anyway, and on top of that, look at him, he’s half barry’s size, whatre you blind and ignorant?

    By Anonymous on Aug 7, 2007

  4. Steroids were around in the 70s, when Aaron broke Ruth’s record. We can’t assume that he didn’t use a little extra something that helped him play at such a high level well into his 40’s. Aaron’s longevity was the only reason he is considered the home run king. He never hit 50 once and at no point in his career was he the best home run hitter in the game.

    By Anonymous on Aug 7, 2007

  5. You’d have to be a complete moron to think Hank Aaron was on ‘roids. The only think he could have conceivably been on is amphetamines, which almost everybody on baseball used as a matter of course for the past 50-60 years until MLB started testing for it. Aaron was just a straight up freak to play that long, and if you think he took roids you need to get your head examined.

    By Anonymous on Aug 7, 2007

  6. All of Barry Bonds’ hits still won’t equal Milli Vanilli’s Greatest Hits – released in March 2007.

    By Kristen on Aug 7, 2007

  7. “We can’t assume that he didn’t use a little extra something that helped him play at such a high level well into his 40’s..” What a stupid comment. So you assume Aaron is guilty until proven innocent? Plus one cannot prove a nagative. Aaron on the juice…..how stupid can someone be?

    By Anonymous on Aug 7, 2007

  8. Aaron is a man. Bonds is a pumpkin head.

    By Anonymous on Aug 8, 2007

  9. Hank Aaron weight 175 lbs soaking wet. Today’s second basemen weigh more than that. You’d have to be completely ignorant to say he was on the juice

    By Anonymous on Aug 8, 2007

  10. You fags are just plain jerkoffs!…. Quit hatin on Barry!

    By Doe Boy Fresh! on Aug 8, 2007

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