D-Bag Of The Week: Steely McBeam

August 10, 2007 – 11:50 pm by Ryan Phillips

I don’t know about you, but when I think of the Pittsburgh Steelers I think of toughness, a good old-fashioned cold-weather, smash-mouth football team. I think Jerome Bettis, Mean Joe Greene, Franco Harris and Terry Bradshaw. Maybe once in a while I think of Ben Roethlisberger’s face flying through a windshield, but that’s a rare occurrence. So this week I, and the rest of the sports blogosphere, was more than mildly amused by naming of the new Steelers mascot. Presenting, Steely McBeam. The name was selected out of nearly 70,000 names submitted by Steelers fans from around the world.

Seriously, what the fu*k Steelers fans, that one was selected as the best? Steely McBeam sounds like an evil wizard from a Harry Potter book or a super-villain from one of the Pierce Brosnan Bond movies, you know, the ones where they weren’t trying? The winning entry came from Diane Roles of Valencia, Pa. On behalf of the rest of America I’d just like to say thank you Diane, you’ve given us hours of comedic fun with this one. The best part is that the mascot is a slack-jawed, steel beam carrier who looks like the unholy offspring of Bill Cowher and the West Virginia Mountaineer.

I’m sure that’s exactly the image the city needs haunting it’s sidelines and stands when they’re struggling through a 7-9 season. We can only hope the notoriously ill-tempered Steelers fans don’t turn on him. Hey Steely, watch you’re back man, watch your back.

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  1. 4 Responses to “D-Bag Of The Week: Steely McBeam”

  2. No offense to Steelers fans, who are clearly devoted, but that is just about the queerest thing I have ever seen .. I hope the team members rise up and demand its removal at once!

    By Reel Fanatic on Aug 11, 2007

  3. I thought it was another Barry Bonds on Steroids cartoon—oops, sorry Steely. MamaD

    By Anonymous on Aug 11, 2007

  4. N’offense, but Mean Joe Greene, Franco Harris and Terry Bradshaw were waaaay before your time. You should think Alan Fanaca, Joey Porter and Hines Ward — a fierce trio in their own right.

    And it shouldn’t come as some superhuman surprise that a Californian doesn’t understand the choices of a Pennsylvania steeltown — not that there’s anything wrong with either group. Seriously.

    By Anonymous on Aug 11, 2007

  5. First thing I thought when I heard it’s gonna be “Steely McBeam” – somewhere in heaven, Ray Kroc is laughing his ass off. Finally Mc-anything has become part of the culture.

    By Anonymous on Aug 12, 2007

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