D-Bag Of The Week: Spencer Pratt

August 19, 2007 – 8:15 pm by Ryan Phillips

I know this award is supposed to go to the worst in sports every week, but if sucking at life was a sport, this week’s recipient would be a Hall of Famer. So without further adieu let’s get into it. This week’s winner is Spencer Pratt, the waste of skin you (may or may not) know from MTV’s The Hills. He’s the guy who is so hungry to be famous that he’s befriended the shaved Sasquatch known and Brody Jenner – son of Olympic champion Bruce Jenner – and he got engaged to the vapid, brainless, Skeletor-with-implants known to some as Heidi Montag. But this week, he took things to another level.

Thanks to Dlisted and a few other sites, we were allowed to hear the leaked version of Ms. Montag’s new song, “Body Language.” Now normally we wouldn’t really care about some random, untalented broad releasing an album, we’ve put up with Britney Spears for the better part of a decade now, but the thing that made us cringe/laugh/want to punch something was that Pratt decided to inject himself into the song. It would be one thing if he sang, but this upright, metrosexual lap-dog actually raps on the track. HE RAPS. Seriously, listen to the song, we dare you (clip here). Listen to all nine minutes of the clip to hear the repeat of the rap like four times.

The best part about it is that this kid is a rich white kid who thinks he’s a “balla” and tries to act like he has tons of cash, but then buys his chick a fake engagement ring. Seriously, I haven’t hung this word on anyone since I dabbled in surfing back in 1993, but dude you’re a poser. You define the word douchebag, and we can’t tell you how wonderful it would be if Superman came along and encased you in that huge piece of glass he put the bad guys from Superman 2 in. That would be sweet.

I frankly hate The Hills and the contrived drama it contains, but I’m pretty much hardcore in love with USC’s own Whitney Port. So I really have no choice but to brave the horrific show in order to get closer to the woman I will someday marry.

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