We’re starting a new feature this week here at Rumors and Rants, it’ll be every Friday and it’s a simple concept. We like to call it our Douchebag of the Week Award. It’s pretty self-explanatory, but in case you’re a little slow, it will go to the noun (person, place or thing) that best exemplifies the worst in sports each week.
The first recipient of the award is … envelope please … Florida Marlins president David Samson.
Oh yeah, this wasn’t difficult. Samson, whose team is currently sitting at 42-47, in fourth place in the N.L. East, had the gall to go on Dan LeBatard’s radio show on Wednesday and blast Seattle’s management for signing Ichiro to a huge extension. He called it, “the end of the world as we know it.” Then went on to say, “it’ll take the sport down. Right back to the ridiculous contracts. It can’t be.” Then he called the contract “a joke” and “inexcusable” before accusing the Mariners of “mismanagement.”
I’m sorry but the president of the Marlins calling anyone mismanaged is just too funny. That’s like Paris Hilton calling someone a dumb whore. This is the same guy who tore apart a World Series champion, fired the N.L. Manager of the Year and whose team’s home games have smaller attendances than some state executions. Right now the Mariners are 50-36, one game out of the A.L. Wild Card spot, and two games behind the Angels in the A.L. West. Sounds like they’re doing OK as far as management is concerned.
Sure Ichiro’s contract is big, what looks like $90 million over five years, but let’s face it, the guy has been, you know, pretty decent in his six-and-a half years in Seattle. All he’s done is have 242, 208, 212, 262, 206, 224 hits, along with 128 so far this year, and had a .333 batting average, do go with 258 stolen bases. He’s never scored less than 101 runs (61 this year), and has never played less than 157 games, he won the A.L. Award in 2001, has Gold Glove in each of his first six seasons, on May 3rd of this year he set an A.L. record by stealing 45 consecutive bases and broke Wade Boggs’ MLB record for most hits in a six-year period after last season.
So, he’s basically the best leadoff hitter since Rickey Henderson, he’s incredibly durable and is one of the best defensive players in the game. Oh, and he also brings in a ton of revenue from the largely untapped Asian market, since he’s the most popular Japanese player since Sadaharu Oh. Yeah, totally not worth the money, good call Mr. Samson. Yeah, Ichiro will be 39 when this contract is over, but guess what anyone associated with the Marlins has no right to rip on another organization’s moves. So we offer our congratulations to David Samson, winner of the inaugural Douchebag of the Week Award. Keep up the good work pal.