Here at Rumors and Rants we like several things unanimously: train-wreck television, pictures of Jessica Alba in very little clothing, Shawne Merriman and athletes who humiliate themselves by being outed as steroid users. When two of those things were combined in a news report tonight, you would figure we’d have been deliriously happy … we weren’t.
According to ESPN’s Chris Mortensen, the Chargers’ impossibly talented linebacker will be suspended 4 games for violating the NFL’s steroid policy:
Merriman’s positive test was “definitely for steroids … not one of those supplement deals” said a source with knowledge of Merriman’s suspension. Merriman’s suspension originally was to be announced last Tuesday when two other players — the Falcons’ Mark Lehr and the Lions’ Shaun Rogers — were suspended for violating the policy. But Merriman reserved the right to appeal his suspension, so it was not announced.
I guess there’s a reason Merriman is so impossibly talented huh? Geez this is really upsetting. First, linebacker Steve Foley gets shot by a cop, then Terrence Kiel got arrested for selling some drug we’ve never heard of and now this. One more incident and I think the Chargers roster officially becomes the property of the Bengals.
This one hurts, since 2/3rds of us are big-time Chargers fans, to an almost embarassing level. We love Shawne Merriman, and now we’re obliged to hate him until he makes up for this one. Maybe he’ll go Floyd Landis and explain his innocence on a Web site. We’ll be waiting for an offer to post it, until then paraphrasing Anchorman will have to tide us over:
Why’d you do that Shawne? Why? You’re my hero. And you do something dirty. Like poop. Poop mouth. I hate you Shawne Merriman, I hate you!